


Left Unsaid

by Octoberrose11



Series: Mob au (love you goodbye) [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Jay mention, Kid Fic, Minor Character Death, Mob AU, More angst, Multi, cancer warning, even more angst, sexual louis/liam, zouis centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:30:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8933983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Octoberrose11/pseuds/Octoberrose11
Summary: The bedroom is quiet, and not the kind of quiet that usually falls between the boys. This is the kind of quiet that haunts you, that you would do anything to break if you could. It’s unusual for the house to be quiet, even before Elisha had come to live with them. Louis had music or the television playing constantly, or you could hear Alberto down stairs making himself something to eat. More often then not you could hear one of the other four boys making a mess downstairs, wanting Louis to come down but not wanting to ask. 
	This kind of silence is stifling.  
	The thing about Louis is it’s not easy to take him by surprise, which makes birthdays, Christmases and other days of celebration hard. (The day Zayn asked him to marry he is an exception, and a happy one at that.) (And the day he found out he was actually Elisha’s father another one, but the odds of it happening three times in one year? Almost unheard of)
	He slowly sits up, keeping eye contact with Zayn the whole time, the sheet that had been covering his naked chest sliding down. “What do you mean, all of it is Lottie?” His hands are shaking as he reaches up to brush hair out of his face, in a move that is so Harry like Zayn’s hear clenches.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thezaynlife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thezaynlife/gifts).



> I hesitate to post this after everything that has happened this month. Jay, like Louis, has always been my favorite mama of one direction. I would love to be half the person she was. 
> 
> So before you start to read this I would like to say a few things. 
> 
> I'm uploading this now as an early Christmas gift to my friend Kim. It was going to be my big bang fic for this year but I might actually cry if I have to try and wait to post it until June and I know how excited Kim is for this so MERRY CHRISTMAS DARLING. I HOPE IT'S EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND THAT YOU DON'T HATE ME FOR THE CLIFF HANGER. (Or the fact that I have four other zouis fics I need to post for you at some point before January 1st)
> 
> Also, I don't hate Lottie. Honestly, I admire her a lot. For the last year she's taken care of her younger siblings so her mom would have one last thing to worry about, and so the two babies would have a routine to take comfort in. I think that says a lot about the kind of young woman Lottie is. 
> 
> When I wrote part one of this series I didn't like Lottie, I didn't dislike her either, but may meh feelings for her made it easy to target her as the villain. Please know this is a work of fiction and is in no means mean to portray Lottie as she is in real life.

Left Unsaid

The bedroom is quiet, and not the kind of quiet that usually falls between the boys. This is the kind of quiet that haunts you, that you would do anything to break if you could. It’s unusual for the house to be quiet, even before Elisha had come to live with them. Louis had music or the television playing constantly, or you could hear Alberto down stairs making himself something to eat. More often then not you could hear one of the other four boys making a mess downstairs, wanting Louis to come down but not wanting to ask. 

This kind of silence is stifling. 

The thing about Louis is it’s not easy to take him by surprise, which makes birthdays, Christmases and other days of celebration hard. (The day Zayn asked him to marry he is an exception, and a happy one at that.) (And the day he found out he was actually Elisha’s father another one, but the odds of it happening three times in one year? Almost unheard of)

He slowly sits up, keeping eye contact with Zayn the whole time, the sheet that had been covering his naked chest sliding down. “What do you mean, all of it is Lottie?” His hands are shaking as he reaches up to brush hair out of his face, in a move that is so Harry like Zayn’s hear clenches. 

Zayn takes a deep breath, and lets it out. In the months that he’s been gone he’d forgotten just how intense, just how scary Louis can be when he wants to. “It’s okay babe,” he soothes, taking Louis’ small shaking hand into his. “Let me explain everything and then you can go off the deep end, yeah?” 

So he does. 

The Russians had apparently lost the head of their mob many years ago, before One Direction had even been formed. The mob head knew he was dying so he set out feelers for someone to take his place, not trusting any of his men not to run his organization into the ground, and being smart enough that if he picked one of his three sons they would end up killing each other trying to become the head instead. Somehow, though Zayn wasn’t sure of the exact details, Lottie had taken up on his offer, became his second and then taken over at the time of his death. She had been lying to both Louis and her mom for ages, she had perfect training from the Russians, she didn’t need any of the training the Tomlinson’s could offer her.

It was on Lottie’s command that he and Elisha had been taken, he explained slowly. The night before they had been taken she had decided it would be the best way to take Louis out. 

Somehow Lottie had gotten it in her head that they would be weaker without Zayn, that Louis would suffer, that he would crumble up and wither away. When the news of One Direction finding out where the two had been kept reached her, she had men come and try to execute Zayn, then light the place on fire so Elisha wouldn’t have as painful of a death. She figured Elisha would sleep right through it, never knowing what was going on. She hadn’t taken into account how much Zayn loved their daughter, how much he would do to bring her and himself back to Louis. 

Zayn begins winding down, as he explains that a local family had found him after he had managed to drag himself out of the burning building. He had begged them not to go foreword on finding him, though he has to admit in hindsight that was a horrible idea, because he was scared what Lottie would do if she knew he had lived. He goes on to explain that the family had nursed him back to health, helped him with physical therapy and then put him on a private jet so he could fly right back home to him. 

When he’s finished he squeezes Louis’ hand, “I’m so, so sorry love.” He tells him softly. “I know you couldn’t even imagine it turning out like this.” 

Shaking his head, Louis lets out a bitter laugh, so unbecoming of himself. “It’s not really that big of a surprise, is it though? The way she’s been acting since you went missing. How often she tries to get Elisha by herself. The way she always resent my power over her. Everything makes sense now.” He stands up and flings everything off his bedside table. “I knew us faking a relationship would end with you hurt somehow! I knew it and yet I went along with it because I fucking - “ He pauses, going pale. “Because I fucking like you the most out of the boys and everyone knows it.” 

Zayn eyes him, keeping quiet. He notices how much weight Louis has lost, the way his sweater practically eats him whole. He notices the dark circles under his eyes, how long his hair is (almost long enough to compete with Harry at this point) and how unkept his beard is. For the first time since coming home he looks around the room, heart dropping at what he sees. 

Cups. Cups of tea, cups of coffee and cups of who knows what else. Bottles of vodka, whiskey and beer, all the things he had mostly given up when Elisha had come to live with them. In one corner of the room he can count six lighters, four packages of cigarettes (the kind Zayn himself prefers) and a bag of what looks like weed sat beside them. 

Louis completely lost it without him. 

“I love you, you know?” Zayn says quietly, still looking at the mess that is Louis’ bedroom. “I think I’ve loved you since I was seventeen, still pretending to be the Bradford bad boy, watching you fuck around with Harry. I desperately wanted it to be me instead of him but I didn’t know how to ask for it, you know? I thought for sure you’d end up together, that I would have to pretend to be happy when I saw the two of you kissing and starting a life together.”

He finally turns to look at Louis, only to see that Louis looks as blindsided as he feels. “I was so fucking happy when Harry told us he was straight, did you know? I thought, hey maybe I do have a chance at this, but nothing really changed between us. Sure, we became best friends and partners in crime. Sure I became your second but,” he shrugs, “you never saw me differently. And it’s probably my fault,” he muses, “being too scared to tell you how I really felt, to scared to lose the friendship we’d been building, to scared that you might not feel the same way I do and kick me out of the band.

“And then you and Liam got so close a while ago. I told myself I wasn’t jealous, that I couldn’t be jealous. Liam’s aromantic. I know he is, and I kept reminding myself that there was nothing to be jealous over. Even if everyone and their dog thought the two of you had started dating I knew Liam couldn’t.

“Then Elisha came into our lives, and she made us all better, didn’t she? She made life fun and exciting again, made us remember what it’s like to live with wonder and not be suspicious of every single thing someone outside of the five of us does. She reminded me of what it was like not to live in this bubble of being international pop sensation One Direction, of not being in the bubble of our mafia ring. She brought beauty and love and light when she came. And I loved her immediately, even before she started calling me papa.” Louis sniffles but Zayn has to get this out, he has to say it. 

“When you lied to your mom about having a serious boyfriend and the other boys said I should do it I was so fucking happy. Maybe, maybe finally you would see me the way I saw you. Maybe, finally, the two of us could have our happily ever after too. But every time I turned around it seemed like you would second guess every little thing. It was like no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I tried to show you I loved you, it wasn’t enough.

“I don't know exactly what I believe, but this is what I know: I don't believe in a soul mate, or true love, or one sole kismet or anything. But I do believe in love. I believe that there are many forms of love, and that you can find it anywhere. But above almost all of those loves is the kind of love I feel for you. And that's the kind worth everything you have. The kind worth fighting for. And that’s why I fought, Lou. I loved you enough, you stupid, silly man, to drag myself out of a burning building, bleeding out, to try and make it home to you.

“Because you are stupid, maybe you are impulsive sometimes but you would do anything for those you love, and maybe you are silly, but you’re brave. You love with your whole heart. You are dedicated to the band, to the four of us boys, and to the little girl who shares your eyes. And I couldn’t let you get away from me, not when I finally had a chance.”

Louis fish mouths for a moment. "I've spent far too long dreaming of you to remember what nightmares are," he finally says, slowly moving to sit back beside him. “In the days you were gone I would count down the moments until it was time to put Elisha to bed and then I would come in here and listen to the stupid songs we would record while we where high, and I’d wrap myself up in some of your shirts that still smelt like you. I would go to bed wrapped up in your scent, wake up and pretend I wasn’t falling apart inside, go about my day and then come to bed and do it all again.” 

He shakes his head. “I remember at boot camp, watching you refuse to dance, and I thought, ‘I wish I could be more like him.’ All I wanted was to be your friend. 

“And then one day I woke up and noticed just how many colors are in your eyes, and how big you would smile when I cracked a dumb joke, and then I started wondering what it would feel like to have your facial hair rub against mine as we kissed. It consumed me, became the only thing I could think about,” he admits. 

“I love you too, you know? I mean, I hope you know, that all this romantic shit I’ve been saying has made it clear to you but. I’m not good at emotions am I?” He laughs bitterly. 

“You’re doing fine, Lou.” Zayn reaches out to take Louis’ hand again. “I hoped you did,” he muses, “I kind of held out hope when you agreed to let me adopt Elisha, and when you agreed to let her meet my parents. I know how concerned you are over her and I -” 

“There’s something I need to tell you though.” Louis cuts him off. 

“Anything, Lou. You know you could tell me anything, anytime. Nothing can come between you and I.”   
“You might change your mind when you hear this, babe. It’s not. It’s not exactly normal.” He lets Zayn squeeze his hand and then says, “You are right. Liam and I have become closer lately. You are also right in the fact that he and I aren’t dating. Bless him, though I think if he thought it would make me happy he would try to date me. No, it’s something else.” 

His cheeks turn pink. “Uhm. Liam told me you used to do it for him?” He begins. “So. Well. Sometimes he takes me over his lap, when things get a bit too much, you know? And he spanks me, or he fucks me, and he helps me forget. He makes everything calm again.”

“He doms you babe?” Zayn asks gently, sensing that Louis is embarrassed and unsure how to explain what was really going on. 

“Yeah.” Louis lets out a breath. “He’s been having to do it a lot more often since you’ve been gone.” He shrugs. “That’s why there’s an extra office downstairs, it’s why there’s certain rooms your keys can’t get into and why things have been a little weird within the group. I- I understand if this changes things between us, you know? This isn’t exactly normal, and I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting me, I don’t even want me sometimes.” Louis bites his lip, shifting nervously where he’s seated on the bed. 5

Zayn kisses him, stopping him the only way he knows how, and he does it happily, knowing that the kiss will be welcome and returned. He finally has the love of his life in his arms, and he finally has a chance to show him just how special and loved he really can be, if Louis only lets himself. 

He holds the kiss a moment, then a moment longer, smiling into it as Louis pushes back and opens his mouth up to him, before he slowly pulls away, placing one hand on Louis’ face. “That better, love? You feeling a little calmer? Good.

“I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that ever again, yeah? You are perfectly normal, there is nothing wrong with what you like. Everyone has some kink, and if they don’t then they are lying to themselves.” He pauses for a moment and thinks. “Except maybe asexuals,” he muses. “We’ll have to ask Niall about this later.” He shakes his head, trying to get back on track. 

“At any rate, Liam has been doming you, that’s fine. Next time he does it I want to watch as your future husband, one day I’d like to take over for him if you’d let me. After we set up a contract of our own, of course.” He pulls away from Louis and claps his hands. “Now not to change the subject but I know that even though I’ve been gone a while it’s about time for a certain princess to get up. Go take a shower, shave, and brush your teeth babe, you stink.” 

Rolling his eyes Louis stands up to do just that, pausing as he bends at his dresser. “What should we tell the boys?” He asks, not looking at Zayn.

“About?”

“About us?” 

“You don’t want to tell them the truth?” Zayn asks, a little hurt but not really suprised. 

Louis sighs, taking out some sweat pants before turning to face Zayn. His face is hard, even though his eyes are sad. “I didn’t mean it like that, Zed. I mostly meant about how you ‘returned for the dead’.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Louis shakes his head before stripping off the clothes he had been sleeping in. “And your mom has been staying here since we got back from Australia, so you might want to think of a way to explain you going missing for so long before you see her, but you do you bro.” 

Zayn throws a pillow at his back as he runs cackling into the bathroom. He was a little shit head, but he was his shit head. His heart feeling like it’s about to explode he stands up and makes to get dressed himself, it wouldn’t do for his reunion with either of the women in his life to go with him dressed as he is. 

****

When Trisha comes down to start breakfast for Elisha and Louis she screams. There’s a man standing over the stove, a man she’s pretty sure isn’t supposed to be there, how the hell had he gotten past Alberto and the other security guards keeping the house safe?

He jumps a little, turning to face her. “Sabaḥu Al-khair, mum, have you missed me?” 

She drops, her legs unable to support her, and she crosses herself, converting to Islam or not some habits are hard to break. 

“Mum?” Zayn turns off the burner, and removes the pan of eggs he had been frying, and drops to his knees beside her. “It’s okay mummy,” he tells her, pulling her into his arms when she breaks into sobs. “It’s okay mummy, I’m okay. I’m still here. No one is going to ever hurt me again, I promise. I love you mummy.” He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince more, her or himself. 

Eventually, when she’s calmed down some, she pulls back and taps his face, then squishes his cheeks between her hands. “Beta? Oh my son, you really have returned to us.” She begins to sob into his shoulder again. “I thought we had lost you forever. Where have you been? How did you make it back, oh I don’t even care, I’m so happy you’re alive!”

He sighs and makes himself comfortable on the floor. “I’ll explain it all as soon as I can, mum, I promise. I just can’t right now.” He presses a kiss to the side of her head, hoping she’s going to let it go. 

“Okay, okay.” She pulls herself together and stands up. “Have you seen Louis yet? Why am I even asking of course you have.” Rolling her eyes she walks about to the stove top and turns the burner back on. “Maybe you can get that boy to eat something, he’s turning into skin and bones, worrying my poor heart. But you know Lou, thinks he knows better then everyone.” 

“I can hear you talking about me, mum.” Louis says, his voice echoing as he walks down the stairs. 

“Good! Then you should know you aren’t getting away with not eating this morning.” Trisha sasses back, turning around with her hands on her hips. She pauses, then smiles. “Well don’t you look nice, beta?” 

Louis flushes, unable to look at her. “Yeah, I uh. I figured it was time for a change?” He’s fresh shaved and his hair is pulled back with a bandanna, and he looks a lot less pale then when Zayn had left him earlier. “I’m feeling a lot better.” He admits, pressing a kiss to her cheek and then one to Zayn’s before moving around to sit at the kitchen bar. 

“Elisha should be waking up in about twenty minutes,” he explains to Zayn. “Even though she’s four we’ve been trying to teach her to wake up with her alarm clock so she doesn’t have to reply on Daddy and Grannie to do it every morning. I stuck my head in her room on my way down and she was still snoring.” 

Zayn offers a shaky smile. “When I came in I didn’t stop to look in on her, I was more worried about getting to you,” he admits. 

“She’s a light sleeper these days, love,” Trisha butts in from where’s she’s cooking turkey bacon. “No doubt you going in to check on her would have woken her up, she never would have gone back to sleep. And today is her -”

“IT’S UNCLE LIAM DAY DADDY!” comes a scream from upstairs, before the sound of little feet pounding on the floor and down the stairs reaches them. “Uncle Liam day, Uncle Liam day!” she sings as she rounds the corner into the kitchen. 

When she sees Zayn standing against the refrigerator she freezes. “Papa?”Her bottom lip shakes even as she takes a step back. 

Zayn’s heart breaks. She looks like she’s grown so much in the months that he has been gone, her hair is shorter cut into a cute little bob that frames her face and makes her look older then she is. She’s wearing an Elmo pajama top and butterfly pajama bottoms, her favorite toy elephant stuck in her arm. He’s missed so much. 

“Yeah baby, it’s papa.” He gets down on his knees and holds his arms out.

She screeches, and throws herself at Louis sobbing, Louis trading a troubled look with Zayn. Trisha silently removes the pan and turns off the flame before slipping out of the room, sensing that this was a conversation the three of them needed to have alone. 

“Baby, can you tell daddy what’s wrong?” He teasingly pulls one of her strands of hair. “I can’t understand you if you keep your face pressed against my shoulder, love.”

“Papa dead! Gone forever! Bye bye! Daddy and Grannie,” hiccup, “trying trick me.” It trails out into a broken wail. 

“No baby, no.” Ignoring Louis’ warning look Zayn takes the little girl into his arms. “Papa’s here, see love? Papa’s fine. He was hurt a little so he had to go away for a little while, papa’s so sorry he made you sad.” His heart clenches at the sob she lets out. “I know baby, I know, cry all you want okay,” he tells her, taking a seat next to Louis at the breakfast bar. “Papa’s going to be here and hold you as long as you need him to, okay?” 

She nods into his shoulder, sniffling a little and then rubbing the snot that’s escaped her nose into his shirt sleeve. “I missed you papa,” she says quietly, as if admitting it was something to be ashamed of. 

“I missed you too, baby girl. Even if you can be kind of gross sometimes.” Zayn rubs a hand down her back. “Now did I hear you say something about it being an Uncle Liam day?”

Elisha nods, pulling back from his embrace. She rubs her hands on her face, and then pouts up at him. “Every week I geta spend one day with Uncles,” she explains, “except Uncle Hazza and Uncle Niall usually share their day so I see them twice. That made Uncle Liam sad until daddy told him he’s my god father, I don’t know what that means though.” 

“It means, little love, that Uncle Liam has to take you whenever daddy and papa need time alone.” Louis tells her, poking her in the side as he stands. “Now, Daddy thinks it’s time for you to eat some breakfast, so come on and sit in your booster seat love.”

“No.”

“No?” Louis raises an eyebrow at her. “What do you mean no? You need to eat breakfast and to eat breakfast you need to sit in your booster seat, come on love you know this.”

“No, I want to stay with papa.” 

Sensing a fight coming Zayn tries to step in. “How about papa sits beside you, love? We can eat breakfast together, won’t that be nice? It will be just like it was before papa went away.” 

Letting out a screech she throws herself on the floor before beginning to slam her fist and feet on the floor as hard as she can, screaming. Zayn looks to Louis, concerned as he’s never seen her behave this way before but Louis isn’t even paying him attention. Louis has all of his attention on taking bowels out of the cabinet. 

“We don’t listen to little girls who throw tantrums,” he reminds Elisha gently, his voice level and calm. “When you can speak to daddy like a big girl, just let me know.” 

Elisha’s screaming intensifies in volume to the point that Zayn is considering covering his ears of picking her up to spank some sense into her. 

“Lou?” The front door slams. “Louis? What the hell is going on in here,” Liam asks rounding the corner, not looking up from his phone. “I texted you half an hour ago asking when a good time to pick Elisha up and you never replied.” He turns his attention to the little girl on the floor, getting down on his knees to speak to her. “And what’s the matter with you Princess?” 

Louis rolls his eyes, turning to face them. “She’s mad because she’s not getting her way this morning.” He tilts his head in Zayn’s direction, a little amused that Liam seems to have not noticed him. “She wants to sit with Papa but she knows the rules, don’t you love?” 

“Papa?” Liam stands up, dusting off his knees.

“Hey babe,” Zayn says softly, trying his best not to spook Liam. He stands and shifts nervously. “Long time no see, huh?”

Liam’s head turns and he blinks, frozen. Isn’t it just the story of his life that the moment would go this way, Zayn muses. He watches, his breath held, as Liam blinks once, then twice before he’s moving, throwing himself at Zayn with a broken sob. 

“You fucker!” Liam sobs into his shoulder, his fists pounding on Zayn’s back in a way that makes Zayn smile. He’s acting like Elisha and doesn’t seem to even know it. “You absolute fucker! Where the hell have you been?” Liam pulls back and squints his eyes at him. “I don’t even care, I’m so glad you’re back.” 

Louis rolls his eyes, before picking Elisha up and swatting her on the butt. “Little miss sit down and eat your breakfast,” nodding in approval when she sits down and starts eating the cereal in front of her.

“Honestly you two, can you pull yourself together Liam?” He rolls his eyes. “Both of you sit down and eat. You can catch up later.” He swats them both around the head when they don’t move fast enough to keep him happy. “Sit! Now!”

Liam laughs, rubbing the tears off his face. “Yes mum,” he teases, pulling away from Zayn. “But don’t think I’m not going to make you both tell me what the hell is going on later.”

Louis sighs. “I’m calling a band meeting after breakfast, honestly, you’re acting like this is the first rodeo that we’ve ever been through.” He pauses. “I’m English, what the fuck am I doing saying rodeo? Now sit your ass down and eat your goddamn breakfast.”

Liam takes a seat besides Elisha, tugging a strand of her hair to distract her from seeing him sneak his own spoon into her bowel of cereal, then laughs when she squawks in outrage. 

Zayn laughs, walking around Louis and hugs him from behind before pressing a kiss to where his shoulder meets his neck. “Love you babe,” he whispers in his ear as they both watch Liam and Elisha laughing together. 

“Love you too.”

*****

In the months during his disappearance Zayn had learned a lot of things about himself, and about the world around him. 

He had been thrown into fame at seventeen, into the mob at eighteen and even though he didn’t regret anything about his life no one could ever really be prepared for everything that he has said and done. 

The Winstons, who had taken him in, had a teenage daughter, Kimberly, who had been part of the reason they had taken him in. The two of them, both in their sixties, had adopted Kimberly when she was a toddler and she had begged and pleaded for them not to let one of her heros die, did not care who he was, more then willing to help him as long as he didn’t bring any attention to them. 

Kimberly was part of the reason no one knew he had survived too, if Zayn was going to admit it to anyone. She had lied to all the doctors and nurses who visited him and helped nurse him back to help.

“This is Ezekiel,” she would introduce, “he’s my biological brother. I know, I never knew he existed either! At least not until he found us a couple of months ago. He had been in contact with our birth mom and she told him about me, color me suprised when I found out I had a British older brother!” Everyone seemed to believe her too, laughing along with her when she’d brag, “I know! He does look like Zayn from One Direction, doesn’t he? I can assure you he’s not though! After all if we had Zayn in our house don’t you think I would be screaming it from the rooftops?” 

Kimberly had a young daughter who he spent a lot of time with because in a lot of ways she reminded him of Elisha, he spent more then one afternoon bouncing Faith on his knee while entertaining the rest of the family with stories of the antics the boys got up to on tour, or about the prank wars they’d pull (always, always avoiding talking about the mob, or how he had managed to get the injuries that had led to him being in their company. Always avoiding why the rest of the world thought he was dead when he was in fact sitting in front of them, alive and [mostly] healthy.) 

In some ways being away from the band and from the mob made him think of things differently too. Though he would never admit it to any of the other boys he had been having second thoughts about being in the band, feeling like his music tastes and even healthy himself didn’t belong in with the rest of them. He had seriously been contemplating leaving, feeling like it would be the best for him and the rest of the band. Though he would never leave the mob, he was Louis second for a reason, but he was different then the rest of the boys, wasn’t he?

The forced separation showed him just how wrong he was. 

He couldn’t live without his boys. He couldn’t live without his little girl. They had been the only thing he could think about, twenty four seven his thoughts where with his boys and the little girl who had stolen his heart. He worried about them, wondering if the Russians or Lottie had moved in and killed them. He worried that Elisha would forget who he was while he was gone, that Louis would go to drastic measures or end up dead all by himself. 

In the moments he wasn’t with Faith or Kimberly he would watch the news, chewing his lip raw, wondering and praying that the boys wouldn’t show up. He would check teen websites that often featured the five of them and sigh, happy that his boys had survived another day without him.

So he started thinking. And thinking hard, harder then he had ever thought before. Maybe his taste of music wasn’t reflected in the music One Direction made, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t record his own on the side. 

So he started writing while he was there. He wrote all his fears, his triumphs and he wrote every single thing he wished he could tell Louis and Elisha, vowing that if he ever made it home he would share them with them when the war that was about to break out between Louis and Lottie was over. 

While he was there he journaled a lot too, things that had been on his mind. He dedicated more then one page listing things he loved about Louis. 

Kimberly taught him that too. 

One day when he had been sitting outside watching the sun set, crutch leaning against the step beside him, when she sat down on the step above him. “A pence for your thoughts then?”

“They’re not even worth that, I don’t think.” He mused. 

“Want to tell me anyway?” She sounded nonjudgemental, like she couldn’t care less if he exposed his heart to her or not but he knew she cared in ways a lot of people didn’t.

“I’m thinking about Lou,” he admitted. In the first few weeks he had been there he had told her the truth about their relationship, knowing he could trust her with that secret when she was keeping his identity secret too. “I really love him, you know? And I’m worried that I’m never going to get back to him and be able to tell him.”

Kimberly nodded, letting him know she had heard him bet let the silence stretch between them for a moment. “The thing I’ve found,” she finally began, “is that the things we lose always turn up when we least expect them, you know? And that if you really love someone and you really want to be with them nothing can really, truly come between you.

“I think you and Louis have some true love, soulmate bullshit love.” She told him bluntly. “Somehow, someway, you are going to find your way back to him. It might not be today, or tomorrow but one day, probably soon you’re going to go home. And when that happens you are going to look back on this conversation and laugh, wondering why you ever doubted what the two of you have.”

“How did you get so smart?” He asked her, a little taken aback with how passionate she had been speaking. 

A secret smile came across her face. “I’ve been there,” she admitted, “I have been in the same position you are right now. But I tried to escape it, you know? I thought she really couldn’t love me the same way I loved her, and I didn’t want her to drag me down.” 

She shrugged. “So I ran. I ran away from this life and found the first man who would take me and married him, that’s how Faith came to be. We had two years of a happy marriage but we both knew, you know?, that this wasn’t what was meant for us. Little things we did started getting on each others nerves, the towel he would leave out on the floor after he showered, or how I never washed my bowels after I ate breakfast in the morning. We had drawn up separation papers when...

“Well. He died in a surfing accident.” 

“I’m so sorry, Kimberly.” Zayn tells her sincerely, slightly taken about with the turn the story had taken. 

She waves him off. “It’s fine, it happened a long time ago.” She offers him a smile. “In the end it made me return home. I had just finished unpacking all of mine and Faith’s stuff, we had just finished getting settled in when Gracie arrived. 

“We sat down after my parents left and had a serious conversation, like we used to.” She smiles at the memory. “She said, ‘You and I can either decide right here and now that we only want to be friends, even with all the history that we have, or we can try our hand at a relationship. I’m going to love you either way, and you can’t get rid of me now, but I just want to know where we stand.’ 

“So we tried. And we’ve been together almost nine months now. It hasn’t been easy, and more often then not the two of us are fighting about something, but it’s never serious, you know? Because we love each other, and we’re going to make it work. And, because in the end, all the shit we’ve gone through to get here makes fighting for our relationship worth it. I couldn’t imagine my life without her by my side.”

“How come you’ve never mentioned this before?” Zayn asks, curious, watching as the evening sky plays colors across her face. 

A bittersweet smile appears. “They don’t know about us,” she nods in the direction of the red truck that was driving up the drive way. “I’m not ashamed of her, and I’m not ashamed of the love we share but.” She shrugged. “I know they’d accept us too,” she says raising a hand to wave at her parents, “but it’s kind of nice to just have it be our little secret for now. That way we don’t have to rush into anything.”

She stands up and rakes the dirt off the ass of her jeans. “I think you know how this is all going to end too, Zayn.” She shrugs, grinning at him. “You’re going to go home and you are going to pronounce your love for Louis and the two of you will be married for real, adopt a million babies and name at least one of them after me.” She places a kiss to the side of his head. 

“It’s all going to turn out okay, I promise.” With that she leaves him to his thoughts, still watching as the sun rises behind the barn and the fire flies dance in the air around him. 

She’s right, and he can’t wait to get home to tell Louis that he loves him for real.

***

When Harry and Niall arrive an hour or so after breakfast they both tackle Zayn to the floor, the three rolling around on the ground. Niall was screaming in his ear, so excited to see Zayn again that he was reminded of an over excited puppy who was seeing their owner for the first time in years. Harry was a little more restrained, his eyes full of tears, and kept rubbing his hands on any part of Zayn he could reach, not really sure he could believe that Zayn was really there. 

In the end Zayn ends up on the couch, the other three boys wrapped around him with Elisha asleep in his arms with Louis pacing in front of them. Louis’ arms are crossed, a scowl deep on his face. Every once in a while he’ll stop and turn and look at them, opening his mouth as if he was going to say something before shaking his head and resuming his pacing. He runs his hair through his hair, muttering under his breath. The other four leave him to it, know there’s no use in trying to get him to stop when he’s this worked up. 

“Lou,” Zayn finally says when he’s tired of watching him move back and forth, “can you please sit down? You’re making me anxious.” 

“Sorry babe,” he says but finally sits down on the couch across from them. He clears his throat, and looks each of them in the eye. “So. I guess you all want an explanation,” he begins, “and frankly so did I when I first saw Zayn, but it’s a long story and I’m not sure how long we have to explain it all.”

“So make it short, Lou.” Liam says and Zayn immediately knows it’s his dom voice, just from the way Louis reacts to it. 

“Okay.” Louis nods. “Lottie was trained by the Russians, is the Russian head, put the hit out for Zayn and Elisha and wants the rest of us dead, is that short enough for you, Lemo?” 

Rolling his eyes Zayn detangles himself from the rest of the boys, making sure to keep his movements slow and gentle so he doesn’t wake Elisha up. “Okay Lou, I know you’re stressed but you don’t need to take it out on the rest of the boys unless you want us and Liam to have a private conversation?” 

Widening his eyes Louis shakes his head and mumbles and apology under his breath, leaning into Zayn when he sits down beside him. “I’m sorry for being a brat,” he sighs out and he actually sounds like he means it. “I’m stressed and terrified but that doesn’t mean I need to take it out on the rest of you.” 

The other three mumbles their forgiveness, all wide eyed watching Zayn drag his hand through Louis’ hair. 

“Louis simplified the situation a lot but yes, that’s pretty much exactly what happened,” he says, tugging gently on a knot to try and remove it. “As far as I know Lottie thinks I’m dead and she doesn’t know that I have managed to get back into the country.”

“You’re amazing babe.” 

Zayn beams at him, kissing the corner of his eye. “So are you, love.” He turns his attention back to Liam. “The longer we can go without her knowing I’m alive the better off we are all going to be. There’s no way that this isn’t going to end in an all out war.”

Louis shakes himself and sits up straight, looking them all in the eye. “This is going to be asking a lot out of all of us, I know it is. This is going to be harder then anything we have ever done before, and it is going to test us all to our limits.” 

“Lottie’s family.” Niall says softly. “She’s family and she loves us, Lou, how could she do this?”

Shaking his head Louis doesn’t know what to tell him. “I don’t know, Nialler. She’s been so distant lately that I’m not really all that suprised, are you?” 

Niall shakes his head, thumb in his mouth as he bites at the nail. “Are we going to have to kill her?” 

Harry pulls him in close to his own body. “Ni, love, we have this conversation a lot and I know it never gets any easier for you.” He clears his throat, his own eyes closed against the tears that are trying to come up. “If we don’t kill her she’s going to kill all of us.”

“But she’s family!”

“Ni, love,” Zayn speaks up, shifting foreword from where he’s sitting to take Niall’s hand in his. “Niall, she tried to kill me. She would have succeeded if a family in Australia hadn’t come across me after I dragged myself out of the burning building. Niall, she tried to kill Elisha. Little baby Elisha who hasn’t done anything wrong.” 

He gestures to where she’s still asleep in his arms. “Look at her innocent face and think about what Lottie or the Russians would do to her if they could. Look at her face and ask yourself if sparing Lottie and risking Elisha is worth it. If it’s worth it to you then we won’t kill her.” He raises a hand when Louis and Liam both open their mouths to protest. “If you really think Lottie won’t try to kill her or any of us again we can find some other way to move on from here.

“But Ni? You have to be sure. There’s not any room for there to be any doubts in your head love, because when Lottie or any of her men stand over you, or me, or even Elisha, there’s not going to be any doubts in their minds when they pull the trigger on their guns. They aren’t going to show us mercy.”

In the end, Niall nods. “We have to kill her,” he agrees. “We can’t let her hurt anymore of us.” He still sounds sad, a little broken, but determined too. 

“That’s right babe,” Harry says, squeezing Niall’s left hand. “She won’t know what hits her when she comes for us next.” 

So they sit and plan. 

And in the end, it might be their best plan yet.

********

The plan, for now, is pretty simple, to be fair. 

It’s decided that Zayn is not to leave the house. They don’t want to risk the Russians or Lottie seeing him before they’re ready for them to. They also decide the people they’re going to tell, just a few short list they’re willing to let in the know. Alberto and Paddy, of course, and a few of the other body guards. Louis’ house staff. The driver who takes Elisha and her nanny to the park every other day. The band who have been with them since the start. Fizzy, who is going to be coming and living with them in a week time as the summer holidays arrive. 

The fear is real, now, that someone in their group is going to betray them. The night is changing faster then they can keep up, their staff changing every other day at the whim of their PR company. They have no control over it so the question is raised, do they want to hire the body guards that currently look over them on their own pay? They have the money for it and the boys know they can trust the men with their lives. 

So that’s what they do. 

They have Alberto put in more security cameras, around every door and window in and out of the house, and has a technician come in and set it up to where Louis can see all of the displays from his room as. 

When Louis’ family comes over Zayn will hide himself in the attic, not a hardship as that’s where his art supplies are. He can paint and entertain himself up there until they leave. He has to be ready to run at a moments notice, just in case he’s discovered. Louis assures him that they will put snacks up there, that he won’t go hungry or thirsty while he’s hiding and Zayn believes him. 

There’s a moment of disagreement about if they should tell Jay the truth about what’s going on or not. In the end Zayn wins. They have no proof, besides hearsay, that Lottie is behind all of it. Who is to say Jay would believe them, or not turn on them in some sense of loyalty to her daughter? 

By the time it’s all over three hours have past and they’re all tired. Louis suggests, more of a demand really, a group cuddle on the floor so they can all sleep and reassure themselves that Zayn really is fine. 

No one dares argue. 

*********

Later, when Harry and Niall leave, hand in hand both of their faces drawn deep into frowns, Louis pulls Liam aside with a sharp hand on his elbow, keeping him from following them. Liam, bless him, just raises an eye brow and a corner of his mouth in slight amusement and allows Louis to lead him to his office.

His actual office, not the one that’s used for play. 

Liam sat down in one of the chairs by the window, making himself comfortable. He has a feeling they’re going to be here for a while, even if he’s not sure what they’re going to be talking about. He opens his mouth to ask Louis what’s going on but Lou shakes his head, avoiding his gaze.

Zayn follows a few moments later, shaking his head. “Elisha is with the nanny,” he tells Louis, “she didn’t want to let me leave her sight but I told her we could have pizza for dinner tonight if she went and practiced her letters.” He closes the door behind him before taking a seat beside Liam.

Liam let out a snort of amusement. “Not even back a full day and you’re already bribing the baby, Zed.” He teases. 

“You do what you have to do, mate.” Zayn’s a little amused too, though he would never admit it. “And I’ve been fucking craving some English pizza for months now.” He shakes his head, annoyed that the conversation is already jumping off track. “That’s not why we asked you to stay behind though.”

“I figured.” Liam shrugs, crossing one leg over his lap. “So what’s the problem boys? Someone I need to take out for you?” Liam has been picking up a lot of Zayn’s work while he was gone, and he’s more then willing to continue to do it until he settles back into life again. 

Making eye contact with Louis and watching Louis nod, Zayn smiles a little. “When I arrived this morning Louis and I made our relationship real.” 

Liam sits up straight, a huge smile taking over his face. “Holy shit! I’m so happy for you both.” He’s preparing for a huge monologue, no doubt ready to go on a rant about how happy he is that they’ve both gotten their shit together but stops when he sees Louis shake his head a little.

“We did make our relationship real this morning,” he says slowly, “and we did announce our love for each other but....” Louis trails off, shrugging helplessly. He pulls the arms of his sweater down over his hands, making sweater paws suddenly really nervous. Which is funny, in more ways then one. Liam has fucked him, spanked him, has dommed him and yet he’s embarrassed to share this with Liam now?

At any rate Zayn picks up for him. “Louis told me about the arrangement you two have,” he shares. “How you dom him when things get too big for him. I don’t want to put an end to that because honestly,” he laughs, “I don’t think I could dom him by myself, but we just wanted to let you know that sometimes I might dom him too. I don’t want to step on your toes, because he was your sub first-” 

“No mate!” Liam says, taken aback. “He’s your boyfriend! You can dom him all you want. Honestly, and correct me if I’m wrong Lou, our D/s relationship has been kind of burning to the ground lately,” He shrugs. “Louis loves me, you know?, not in a romantic way but he loves me the same way he loves the rest of the boys, and I love him the same way but we both know that he needs more from a dom then I can give him.”

“I don’t want you to stop, Liam.” Louis speaks up. “I like the way you take care of me,” he says slowly, “but I want Zayn to be able to take care of me too.” 

Liam smiles, his eyes crinkling. “If it’s okay with Zayn I think we can figure something out love.”

“It’s okay with me too.” Zayn and Liam look at each other, both smirking, no doubt all kinds of naughty thoughts dancing through both of their heads. 

When there’s a knock on the door a few minutes later neither try to stop Louis from leaving to go attend to Elisha, both quietly watching him leave, Zayn’s eyes on his ass. 

“If we’re going to do this the two of us need to agree to a list of rules and punishments.” Liam says quietly, when he’s sure Louis is actually gone. 

“Do you have a written contract?” 

Liam nods as he stands and walks around Louis’ desk. He pulls a key out of his pocket and unlocks a drawer hidden underneath the desk, pulling out a huge folder before closing the drawer, locking it and moving to sit down next to Zayn again. “This is the contract,” he explains handing the folder over to Zayn. “Louis had never been in a D/s relationship before, and wasn’t exactly sure what he would like so it was a lot of trial and error.” 

He shifts, uncomfortably. “Our list of rules are in there too, not that there’s too many.” 

Opening the folder Zayn lets out an approving noise. The first page has the rules that are expected of Louis, and the punishment that correlates if he breaks them. 

“The most important one, and the only one that is in effect all the time is that Louis has to tell me if things get too much for him,” Liam explains. “The rest of the rules are mostly reserved for scenes or if we want to put one into play I have to let him know before hand so there’s no surprises, and he will know why he’s been punished if he breaks one.” 

They hear Louis making his way back down the hall, his feet and voice loud so Zayn slams the folder shut and places it on the table next to him. 

“He’s a lot happier now that you’re back.” Liam tells him softly, mouth quirked in a half smile, eyes on the door.

“How can you tell? It hasn’t even been a full day yet.” 

Liam nods, “It hasn’t,” he agrees, “but when I was by three days ago he was still in bed at this time, Alberto had to let me in. He hadn’t showered or brushed his hair since the last time I had came over and made him. He hadn’t ate anything that day, and I’m pretty sure he hadn’t drank anything but beer that week, and I’m also pretty sure he was half way to drunk, or high, even though Elisha was in the room with him.” He frowns. “We all got on to him for that but it was hard to be stern with him when he looked like he could die at any moment. But today he’s up, he’s showered and dressed in fresh clothes.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “The house doesn’t smell like weed or spilt beer. He was down stairs and made breakfast for all of us, he actually talked to Niall and Harry.

“Bro, he’s singing in the hallway right now.” Liam turns to look at him and beams. “Do you know the last time I heard him sing? It was right before you had been taken. He’s so fucking glad you’re back, and so are the rest of us but.” He clears his throat. “Thanks for not dying, or whatever. I think Louis actually would have died if you’d been gone much longer.”

Opening his mouth to answer, Liam shrugs him off and stands. “C’mon mate, come give me a hug. I have places to go and things to do today besides sit around and feel bad about myself compared to have fucking pretty you are.” 

Zayn laughs but stands and hugs Liam, allowing the other man to pick him up and spin him around. 

“I missed you mate.”

“I missed you too.” Zayn squeezes him hard before relaxing his arms as Liam puts him back on the ground.

“We’re having a group hug and no one invited me?!?” Louis asks enraged from behind them. 

Breaking apart Liam laughs at him. “I was actually getting ready to leave, Lou. I have to go take care of some things.” 

Louis frowns but hugs him anyways. “Be safe, yeah? I just got Zayn back, I don’t need you to go missing for months too.” 

Liam laughs into his ear. “I promise. And I’m happy for you, Lou. He’s going to take really good care of you.” 

Pulling back Louis hugs himself and nods, watching Liam gather his stuff to leave. Zayn comes to stand beside him, one arm around Louis’ waist. 

“I’ll call you later!” Liam tells them over his shoulder, making his way out the door with a smile. “And let me know how the reading goes, Zed! I’m sure you’ll find a lot of interesting things in there.” 

“I’m sure I will too.” Zayn says into Louis’ hair, tightening his arm around Louis’ waist. “I’m sure I will too.” 

****

The first twenty four hours of Zayn being home, after the other boys have left, is spent with Elisha, his mum and Louis. Every time Trisha looks at him she bursts into tears and Elisha spends more time biting him and pulling his hair then she does anything else. He’s not sure what to do to help his mum with her crying but the biting is getting on his nerves. 

Louis had shrugged when Zayn complained to him. “She’s marking her territory in case you decide to go missing again,” he told him amused. “She wants to make sure you remember who exactly you belong to.”

Lowering his voice Zayn smirks at him, “Are you going to mark your territory later then?” 

“I might.” Louis bites his lip, his eyes darkening. 

Zayn snorts before standing. “Well mum, I think me and Lou are going to put Elisha to bed and call it a night.” He tells her smoothly, trying to look unaffected. 

Rolling her eyes she stands up and hugs him. “I was young once too, love, I know what it’s like.” She takes Elisha into her own arms. “Go, I’ll take little monster to bed.” She presses a kiss to the side of Zayn’s head, then pulls Louis into a long and tight embrace, then kisses the side of his head too. 

“Are you sure, mum?” Louis asks her, “I’m sure she’s not going to go to bed easy since Zayn’s home.”

She waves them off. “Go, before I change my mind!” She laughs, “And don’t forget to turn some music on or something so I don’t hear any of the reuniting the two of you might do,” she teases. 

Both burning bright red, Zayn takes hold of Louis’ hand and leads him up the stairs. Louis’ is laughing into Zayn’s shoulder, still more embarrassed then he has a right to be in his own house, but light hearted too. 

He never thought he would get this chance, but he doesn’t get to think about that for long. When they’re in his bedroom Zayn has Louis pressed against the wall, his mouth at his throat. 

“You want this baby?” he asks him, hands reaching around to take a tight hold of Louis’ ass. “I’m going to let you decide.”

Letting out a whimper Louis offers more of his neck for Zayn to work with. “I’ve always wanted you.” He moves as if to take a hold of Zayn’s shoulder but Zayn moves faster, taking hold of both of his wrists and holding it above Louis’ head. 

“I didn’t say you could touch, did I babe?” he taunts. 

“No.” 

“Then be good.” He bites down, hard, and then completely lets go of Louis. “Strip. Get on the bed, on your knees. I’ll be right back.”

Opening his mouth, as if to protest, he yelps and pouts up at Zayn when he swats his ass. “Move, Lou, and make it quick.”

Louis moves, stripping as fast as he can, head getting caught as he tries to remove his shirt and pants at the same time. Zayn makes an amused noise but doesn’t move to help him, enjoying the show he was putting on. He shakes his head and moves quietly around the room, opening chests that the folder Liam had left him had mentioned. 

There was so many things he could do tonight, but he didn’t want to overwhelm Louis either. Sure, they’d made out high before and there may have been that one time the five of them had jerked off together but this was different. This was special, and Louis deserved the best for their first time together. 

Something catches his eye and he smiles. He picks it up and turns around to see Louis in the exact position he had asked him to assume, and Zayn’s heart fills with pride. 

“I love you Lou,” he tells him softly, moving to the bed. He keeps the hand that holds the object behind his back even as he crawls up next to his boyfriend. “I love you so much, thank you for trusting me to see you like this.”

Louis smiles, keeping his face directed towards his lap. “I love you too. Thank you for giving me what I need.” He makes like he’s going to move but catches himself.

“Good boy.” Zayn drops the vibrator and cock ring behind him before throwing himself onto Louis, pushing him back against the bed. “Hands on the headboard, legs as far apart as you can get them.” He orders, smirking as Louis curses him under his breath. 

Patting him on his side Zayn reaches across him and opens the bedside drawer, knowing that is where Louis keeps his lube and condom stash. (He’s predictable, Louis is, but that’s half the fun sometimes.) 

“Liam showed me your contract, did you know?” He asks conversationally, as if he didn’t care what Louis’ answer was. “I think we’re going to have a lot of fun tonight, babe, but we need to set up some ground rules.”

“Yes sir.” 

“Okay, I’m going to list out the things I want. If you think one of them us unfair you can tell me and we can discuss and work around it, okay? Good. You can’t come unless I tell you. You don’t have to call me sir, you may call me Zayn if you like.” He pauses to see if Louis has an objections so far. 

“I want you to keep your hands on the head board at all times, if you move I will spank you. If you come without permission I will spank you. Do you understand?”

“Yeah babe, yeah I understand.” Louis’ eyes are already drooping a little, a soft and lazy smile on his face. All the tension that Louis had been carrying all day was gone. It was beautiful. 

“Good boy.” Zayn ran his hands across Louis’ cheek, down his neck and continued down his chest. “Close your eyes baby,” he told his, pressing a kiss on his chest. “Close your eyes and just feel for me, yeah?” 

“Yeah, yeah I can do that.” 

Louis jerks up when Zayn bites down on his nipple, letting out a loud squeak, Zayn has to keep his teeth clenched down to try to hide the sound of his laughter. 

“You let go Lou, that means I have to punish you love.” 

Whining Louis settles his hips back onto the bed, and raises his arms to take hold of the headboard again, smiling back at Zayn when he beams down at him proudly. “Good boy, such a good boy.” He murmurs, squeezing some lube onto his fingers to warm them. 

He moves, shuffles down the bed a little, and kneels between Louis’ open thighs before pushing a finger in, keeping it gentle compared to the pace he uses. He adds another, smiling at the soft noises Louis lets out. “You sound so pretty for me, baby.” 

“Mmm.” 

Shaking his head Zayn spreads his fingers out as far as he can before pulling them out, swatting Louis’ hip when he lets out a whine. “Behave Lou, I’m going to give you what you want.” Reaching behind him he picks up the prostate vibrator and the cock ring, grinning wickedly to himself, pushing the vibrator in and flicking it on with his thumb, snorting when Louis jolts. “Feel good baby?” He asks softly, running fingers through Louis’ hair. 

“Yeah,” he replies dreamily. 

“Good, you’re being so good baby.” Zayn tells him, thumbing the vibrator up higher. 

And the alarm goes off right as he’s reaching for Louis’ hand. “For fuck’s sake!”

Louis struggles to sit up, “I guess play time’s over babe.” He’s putting on his mob boss facade, struggling to come down from his sub space high, and Zayn can see his walls going up right in front of him and Zayn won’t stand for it.

So he bites. 

And he keeps biting until Louis is whining, relaxed on the bed under him, letting him go when he thinks Louis has learned his lesson. “I love you, Lou, and nothing can come between you and I ever again.” 

With a smile and a kiss Louis rolls out from under him, moving to pull on his pants and some jeans. “I know babe,” he replies, “but that doesn’t mean your ass doesn’t need to go to the attic now while I figure out what the fuck is going on.”

“I know, I’m going, I’m going.” 

Louis’ laugh follows him as he shuffles out of the room, hard on hidden behind the blanket he wrapped around himself. 

****

The thing is when they thought Zayn had died Harry had called management right away, figuring they would want to get a statement out, or to try and find a way for public relations to break the news as gently as they could. There was millions of people around the world who cared about One Direction, they needed to know, he insisted to Niall as he picked up the phone to make the call. 

What he found instead was a management that was indifferent, pondering how and when they could get a replacement for Zayn. 

It was then that the boys understood, all that mattered to the people above them was money and as long as they kept making them money, no one could ever help them. 

When Liam asks him about the call, with Louis asleep across his lap, Harry will bite his lip and shake his head. Even if Lou’s asleep there are certain things he doesn’t need to hear, Harry doesn’t care how tough or how many men Louis has killed. 

At this moment, right now, he needs to be protected. 

And the other three will do everything in their power to do it. 

*****

In the months that followed the band decide a few things

they wouldn’t record a new album until Louis’ depression gets under control (or he stops talking about how much he wants to die, whichever comes first- Liam’s not that picky honestly)  
they needed to find new management as soon as possible  
they would write the whole album themselves, no outside help

Liam, when he wasn’t taking care of Louis, handled the first two items on the list to the best of his abilities, demanding a meeting with the heads of Syco and telling them in no uncertain terms that the fifth album and any tours thereafter would have to be scheduled around their time. Magee tried to protest but when Liam pointed out they could decide to stop recording at any point he gave in. 

He called lawyers and other management teams, explaining the situation they had found themselves in. Most told him how sorry they where, but they couldn’t help, their contracts seemed iron clad, nothing could be done to change them. Liam wasn’t so sure and kept pushing and digging, not getting anywhere but determined to try. 

Until one of Louis‘ mafia friends took a look and found an amazing loop hole in the smallest print it could possibly be in, at the end of page seventeen. Obviously Simon Cowell never thought any of the boys would die before their time with him ended or he never would have allowed it to be included. 

With that in mind Liam went to management and withdrew from their control, smirking at them when Harry Magee told him no one else would sign them. 

“We don’t need anyone to sign us,” he said proudly, “we’ve set up our own record deal.” Middle finger out he stalked out of the conference room feeling lighter then he had in months. 

****

The attic isn’t really all that uncomfortable, Zayn muses, laying on the couch that is in the corner of the room. He had feared that it might be cold but in fact under the blankets and the bright lights Louis had set up so he could paint and spray paint the room was pleasantly warm. 

Zayn breathes out his lungful of smoke, crushing his cigarette in the ash tray that laid on the table next to him. It’s a good life, and he knows it. His paintings are spread out across the room, one corner spray painted with purple and pink little hand prints over it. 

There is, as every where else in the house, empty beer cans on the floor and other level surfaces in the room, making him assume that Louis had spent a lot of time up here while he was gone. His heart aches a little but he shakes it off, he’s home now and he won’t be going anywhere any time soon. 

He wants to know what’s going on downstairs, the silence is a little much when you live with One Direction and company, but he makes himself stay put, instead going to a blank section of wall and picks ups red and black cans of paint. 

He’s angry, is the thing. 

That he’s being forced to stay up here while Louis takes care of everything himself. That Lottie decided that she needed to take him out to make Louis pay, Louis has paid enough with his entire life he doesn’t fucking deserve the shit Lottie is putting him through. 

The sound of the door opening behind him makes him drop the red can of paint, swirling around with his gun drawn and aimed. 

“It’s just me!” Alberto comes in, hands in the air. “Put that away, Malik, honestly.” 

Zayn narrows his eyes and puts in back in his pants, “What’s going on?” He demands, crossing his arms on his chest. “Where’s Lou?”

“He asked me to come get you.” Alberto says with a frown. 

“Never mind Al,” Louis says from behind him, “I’ll take it from here. You can go ahead and go back to bed.” Louis slaps him on the shoulder with a weak grin. “I’m going to put the alarms back on and the extra alarms, you’ll be the first to know if something happens.”

“If you two don’t mind I’m going to go ahead and stay in the guest room downstairs instead, be close to Elisha.”

“Thanks man.” 

Alberto nods and excuses himself, leaving them alone in the attic, both remembering what had been going down not even two hours before. Louis shifts his weight, his face turning red, trying so hard to look unaffected. Zayn smirks and moves foreword, pulling him into a gentle kiss. 

“What happened babe?” He asks, his mouth still against Louis’.

“False alarm.” He moves to rest more of his weight against Zayn, suddenly exhausted. “A squirrel or something must have tripped one of the wires.” He presses a kiss to Zayn’s neck, then snuggles in closer. “When we went out to check one of the camera had been knocked over, but none of them cut.”

Zayn isn’t so convinced, but keeps quiet. “If you’re sure about it,” he says tipping his head so Louis has more neck to mark up.

“Mh, yes I’m sure.” Louis breathes, before biting down again. He pulls back after a second to add, “And even if I wasn’t we called Fizzy to come.” He smiles sheepishly. “I love your mom and everything but she has a life outside of here, you know? And it’s going to be really, really hard to keep all of this from her.” 

“No, I agree.” Zayn shakes his head to get the thoughts of how his mom would react if she knew out of his head. “I’m going to ask her to go home tomorrow night, give her another day to get used to the idea of me not being dead. Tell her that we love her and will come visit soon but that you and me need to figure out how to be a couple again.”

“Again?” Louis says looking at Zayn from under his eye lashes. “What kind of man do you take me for?”

With a growl Zayn picks him up and throws him over his shoulder. “An easy one.” He smacks Louis’ ass and laughs, carefully making his way down the stairs that lead back to the main floors, Louis squirming all the while. He smacks his ass again with a giggle. “Stay still or I’m going to drop you,” he threatens. 

Louis stills, not even breathing for a moment. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“If you stay still you’ll never find out will you?” Zayn asks, stepping down off the last step, moving in the direction of their bedroom. “Now be a good boy.”

“Be a good boy he says, stay still he says. Soon you’ll be making me stand in the corner while you get yourself off.” Louis grumbles, relaxing his body on Zayn’s shoulder, watching Zayn’s ass bounce as he walked. 

“Oh, thanks for the idea Lou! That sounds like it could be a lot of fun.” Zayn smiles at him over his shoulder. “Now I really would be quiet unless you would like to share more evil ideas with the class?” 

Louis shoots him a glare, a smirk tugging at the side of his mouth, joining Zayn in laughing as he closes the door behind them.

****

The last time Louis had sex was with Liam, he thinks. He could possibly be wrong but he hasn’t really been leaving the house recently, all things considered. Louis isn’t the kind of person to want to pay someone to have sex with him either, though he supposes there’s nothing wrong with that. People have to work to eat and all of that and Louis isn’t going to judge them for the kind of work they do, lord knows he doesn’t have room to with the murder and mob boss and stuff.

He misses Zayn. 

He isn’t sure how he got to this, leaving the house even though he didn’t want to, not telling anywhere where he was going or what he was going to do. It was stupid and it was reckless and yet here he was, still not regretting one moment of it. 

Sometimes reckless behavior is necessary, he tells himself firmly. Sometimes you need to act unlike yourself so you can find yourself again. (He doesn’t believe his own bullshit either).

But still he misses Zayn. 

No amount of distractions can keep him off his mind. Every day he wakes up and goes through the motions of living but isn’t really alive. 

He misses Zayn more then he could explain and yet here he is, laying in a bed that’s not his own while their daughter is being watched by Zayn’s mom. His arms are handcuffed to the headboard, much too tight to be comfortable but he’s going to push through. 

He isn’t going to safe word. He’s tougher then the need to safe word, he’s a better sub then that. He was trained better then that. But wasn’t the point of a safe word to keep him safe? Usually when he subbed it was for Liam, sweet Liam who he trusted with his entire life. 

“Red.” He whispers it, a broken sound even as tears fill his eyes. He mentally scolds himself, even as the stranger unties his wrists, scrambling and asking him what was wrong, did he want him to call someone? Louis shakes his head, curling in on himself. He’s weak, he couldn’t do it. No one is going to ever want him again. 

He can feel the man take his phone out of his pockets, even as he’s pulling Louis’ pants on him again, whispering apologizes under his breath, eyes wide. Somewhere in Louis’ mind he thinks to himself that the man looks a little like Nick Grimshaw without the fluffy hair that Grimmy has always boasted about. 

Time flew by after that, Liam stormed into the room with his face red and fists clenched at his sides. There’s some shouting between Liam and the other man before Louis is being picked up and carried out of the room, wrapped in a blanket. 

“You’re being reckless Lou,” Liam says sounding sad. “I don’t know how to help you.” He must think Louis is asleep, that he doesn’t know what’s being said around him.

“I don’t think I can be helped.” Louis whispers into the skin of Liam’s neck. “I don’t know if I want to be saved.”

Liam’s breath hitches and he tightens his arms around Louis to the point of being painful. “I’m not sure how, Lou, but everything’s going to be okay.” He promises, tightening his arms even more. “If you run, I’m running with you.”

Closing his eyes Louis pretends he didn’t hear. He doesn’t want to lead any more of his boys to death. Maybe he needs to find something else to do, somehow else to handle this situation. 

Maybe he should just save them all the trouble and go ahead and die. 

**********

Zayn wakes up to the sun in his face, which isn’t all to unusual anymore after all of his months in Australia. The arms that are tight around him spooks him for a moment until he recognizes one of the tattoos closest to his face and his heart starts to settle. He’s home, where he belongs, and hopefully will never have to leave again anytime soon. 

He’s back with Louis, and they’re both safe. Safe as they can be while in the mob, at any rate, and Louis looks more peaceful then he has any right to. Like this, in the early morning light, Louis looks all of eighteen again, fresh at the X Factor, the day that Zayn had first met him. 

Pressing a kiss to Louis’ hair, Zayn settles back into his role of big spoon, more then willing to let the day waste away while they snuggle in bed. They have no plans that he knows of, nothing pressing that needs there attention and the other boys know where they are if they’re needed. He’s closing his eyes to get some more sleep, jet lag is making him it’s bitch, when he hears something in the hall way. 

“PAPA!” Their bedroom door slams open as Elisha ran and jumped on their bed, her nanny looking frazzled as she appeared after her. 

“I’m sorry, Zayn, she wouldn’t listen.” She frowns at the girl, appearing as if she’s going to scold her but thinks better of it. “Let me just take her and the two of us can get out of your hair?” 

He waves her off, slowly shifting to sit up without disturbing Louis. “It’s fine, love. She’s already in here and she won’t be willing to leave without a fight and I’d rather Louis be able to sleep as long as he can.”

She smiles at him. “I’m really glad you’re home, sir. Mr. Tomlinson hasn’t been sleeping well without you.” Turning her attention back to Elisha she wags her finger at her. “You behave for your daddies little miss. You give them any trouble you will be answering to me too.”

Elisha whines and pushes her face into Zayn’s naked chest, making Zayn laugh. “She’ll be fine, go ahead and take the day off.”

The nanny nods with a smile. “Have a good day sir,” she lets herself out of the room humming under her breath, leaving the family of three alone. 

“What’s up, baby love?” Zayn asks her, laying back down on the bed, Louis on one side and her on the other. 

“I woke up and thought you wouldn’t be here anymore,” she said thoughtfully. “I had to come make sure you’re still here, I didn’t want daddy to be sad anymore.” 

Zayn’s heart breaks a little more. “I promised you I wasn’t going to leave again, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but mommy promised that too and she left anyway.” She shrugs, looking unbothered but Zayn knows better. It isn’t often that she talks about her life before she came to live in England. 

“Honey,” Zayn bites his lip, not sure what to say. He hasn’t ever been in this kind of situation before and he feels a little out of his depth. 

“I know mommy didn’t want to leave me but you didn’t want to leave me either.” She finally looks in his eyes, her own wide. “I ‘member you telling Daddy to take me and run. You didn’t want us to leave.” She says it confidently. “You wanted to come with me and daddy, you wanted to be safe but you couldn’t. I don’t know why but you needed us to go.”

She nods. “Mommy didn’t want to leave me, but you didn’t want to leave me either. She didn’t have a choice, and you didn’t either. Mommy’s gone forever so maybe you’ll be gone forever too.” It’s child logic, maybe, but when worded so simply it’s hard not to take what she says as the truth. 

“Okay,” Zayn takes a deep breath, not exactly sure where to begin but knowing he has to start somewhere. “Okay love, listen Papa, yeah? Okay good girl. Mommy was sick, you know that yeah?” 

She nods, her eyes wet. 

“Mommy was really sick, baby, and the doctors did everything they could to save her. Like she said she didn’t want to leave you, mommy loved you more then she loved anything else in the world.”

“More then daddy?!” Elisha was awed. 

Zayn laughs a little, wiping his eyes. “Yeah love, Anastasia loved you more then she loved Daddy. It’s hard not to, you’re the most amazing little girl in the world.” He rubs a hand on the top of her head. “And because she loved you she did everything they could to save her, she did so many brave and amazing things that you won’t understand until you are much older. Mommy risked her life to make sure you could come live with Louis before she died.” 

“She didn’t want me anymore.” 

“No!” Zayn snaps, startling himself. “Your mother wanted you more then anything in the world, do you understand me? She loved you more then you can ever understand. She loved you more then she loved daddy or even her husband, and she fought as long and as hard as she could before she died.” 

“Zee?” Louis’ voice is sleep deep as he turns in the bed, reaching out to find him. He’s still half asleep, a pout on his face as he half opens his eyes. “What you yelling so early for?” 

“Sorry love.” Zayn kisses him, laughing when Louis immediately stops pouting with a proud grin. “Little love didn’t think Anastasia wanted her anymore.”

Louis whines, forcing himself into an upright position. “Okay Elisha, we can talk about this more later, yeah?, but daddy is fucking exhausted and really, really needs to sleep a little while longer. What do you say about cuddling between me and papa for a little while?”

She huffs but squirms between them anyway. “You’re gonna have to feed me sometime today, daddy.” 

“I didn’t expect anything else baby,” he says with a laugh, laying down on the bed and closing his eyes. He reaches one arm across the bed and pulls Zayn in close, surrounding their little girl on both sides. “Now shhh, daddy is sleeping.”

She giggles but smashes a finger to her lips, her own eyes closing, leaving Zayn the only one awake, content to watch the two loves of his life sleep and be peaceful. 

Who knows when the storm is going to come. 

****

Johannah Tomlinson-Deakin is not a stupid woman, no matter what some people in her life might think. Not only was she the head of a mob, not only had she seven amazing children and raising them in the way of the Lord, and the mob, but she also had an amazing IQ of 152. 

She was not a stupid woman, not by any means. 

When Louis first started dodging her calls or making excuses as to why she couldn’t come over, she hadn’t thought much of it. She knew what young love was like, she also knew what a broken heart was like but still she couldn’t imagine what Louis was going through, to lose the love of his life like he did. 

But when he cancelled his trip to Doncaster for the fifth week in a row she knew something was up. WIth the band or with his own mob, she wasn’t sure, but she knew there was something going on with him that he didn’t know her to know about, and that made her suspicious. It made her built in mom alarm go off, flashing red in the back of her mind, screaming, “HE’S IN DANGER HE’S IN DANGER AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP HIM.”

She was going to show that voice who was boss. 

Dressed down, or as down as she ever got, she wrapped her scarf around her neck as she exited her car, putting in the passcode to open the gate. 

It was denied. 

At this point she’s worried and a little pissed off but determined not to let it get to her so she tries another passcode, one that Louis had used in the past but thought was too easy to guess. 

It was denied. 

So where the next seven pass codes. 

At this point she has half a mind to call Alberto or one of the other body guards that she knows are in the house when it comes to her. 

07.16.14

The gate slide open, the camera above it turned black. 

She was in, and she was proud. Preparing to yell at Louis as she opened his front door she froze, and so did the man walking down the stairs. 

“You’re supposed to be dead.” She clutches her heart, feeling faint. 

Zayn smirks at her, showing off way too many teeth. “Surprise, I’m not.” He moves and helps her to the sitting room where she collapses on the couch, still staring at him in disbelief. 

“Louie!” He shouts, making eye contact with her. “Louie! We’ve got a bit of a situation, I need you a minute love.”

“I’ll be right down.” 

They stare at each other in silence for a moment, not even their breaths making noise, Zayn terrified that Jay now knows that he’s alive and how Louis is going to react and Jay shocked to her core. Then the sound of pounding footsteps is heard overhead and then down the stairs, loud in a way that only Louis can be.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come talk to me at ot5ownsthisass.tumblr.com!!


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